Inability

The inability to try and work things out.  The motherhood stress has impacted what I felt was a pretty solid foundation but as I have begun to unravel the tightly woven web I see things - life differently.  This whole process of being diagnosed with prolactinoma has made me rethink how important life is and how little I appreciate the little things in life that at one time were and still are incredible.  I have stopped with trying to focus all my attention on conceiving.  I have also thought about my relationship and the fact that the emotional support I thought I had is not really there.  Perhaps I am overstepping and should really take a step back.  Nope.  I can't.  I have realized that I have not been supported the way I think one should be.  I am not expecting to be the queen placed on a throne but I do expect that your significant other try to understand that you are doing everything you can but your body is your body and if I could go in there and fix it all - get in line.  I am not saying that he blames it all on me as to why we have not conceived but I guess in some ways he focuses on why haven't we?  Oh and his soldiers are ready for battle - guns ready and waiting although I assume there may not be a captain to push the front forward. Well let me explain myself for the thousandth time that it is difficult for me to conceive.  I am tired of hearing myself.  I would think that with the amount of information that I have provided at some point you would take it upon yourself to educate.  Rather than sound like a selfish individual.  Men.  I sound like some feminist who is pissed off at all the men in this world.  I digress.  I am simply stating that my relationship has suffered.  Part of the reason is I feel the blame is all me and need to realize I am not a fault.  I have done everything in my power to help make this work.  I have.  Trust me.  My significant other has been to the doctor to get a physical but the fertility doctor has not seen his little soldiers yet - which I wanted to rule out all aspects (just in case).  But he will have none of it- "the cup and others knowing what you are doing in there".  Well it's better than a bright light rather like a stadium light casting a beam of light on your WHO WHOO to then have a metal rod inserted which lets to an expansion of the metal rod......fine and dandy until you realize the metal rod was probably kept in a freezer and the doctor is not making you comfortable by discussing what his daughter bought him for a birthday present.  did i mention the size of the metal rod and how cold the son a b***** is.......ugh.  So when another month roles around and my doctor concludes that I am in perfectly good health and perhaps going to a fertility doctor will help with the other aspects that need to be reviewed I suggest to significant other.  He states that we will wait a little longer.  Ah.  Yes, so you question why we are not pregnant yet and then you do very little to ACTUALLY start the process of ruling out the other could be scenarios.  Lovely.  Alright enough of my little tangent.  I understand.  I remain on the sidelines soon to be cheering for the other team who is contemplating whether this is really all worth it.  I know I know.  Pathetic but at some point I wonder if this was the way it was meant to be and finally realize that I need to seek other options if motherhood is something that I cannot live without.  Oh and then there's the relationship that is in obvious need of a oil change and the indicator has been on for the last few months.  Rejuvenate......spa day   ---- perhaps HIS credit card.

Could it be? or do my thoughts get the best of me

Well.  It's now May and I am usually starting my period today or tomorrow.  I have had no sign.  I have had backache on and off for the last several days.  Hot face came yesterday afternoon and lasted until early evening.  My menstrual cycle feels like it's going to start at any moment but there has been nothing there.  I have been running to the bathroom anticipating but "nope".  I took a HPT this morning and it was BFN.  I took one on last night and it was hard to read.  It looked as if there was faint line there but not sure.  I can tell you that these Clear Blue Easy HPT aren't the greatest from my experiences.  I have slight twinges and pains in my lower abdomen but they don't feel like my normal menstrual cramps.  They are very odd.  I have been getting up almost every night to attend to the late night pee.  My dreams have been extremely vivid (in fact I woke up crying yesterday and laughing the day before).  Very emotional.  But I don't think i am pregnant.  I am still not officially overdue on my menstrual cycle since it is so irregular.  I don't want to get excited as many of these symptoms I have experienced from high prolactin caused by my tumor.  Also I am not sure but my body does not feel the usual.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.  I hope.

Increase in dosage

I have officially started increasing my dosage last month to 2.5mg twice a week and now I am jumping it to 3mg twice a week to ensure that my levels go down and stay there.  I had the odd headache but nothing serious.  My doctor did inform me that once we were going to start trying again to increase the dosage as it will only help in decreasing my prolactin.  Self-medicated.   I am hoping that we finally have some success.  I am not sure how other women do this but I know from my experience I become a multi-tasker to try and keep my mind busy.  I know that if I spend all my time focusing on whether I feel like I am pregnant I drive myself to pure insanity.  I have also made an appt for my annual physical, which is now over due and the usual "Am I ready to get aboard the trying to get pregnant train".  I remember when I was younger there was always the fear of getting pregnant as I was in a committed relationship but the timing wasn't right.  Now I wonder what happened along the way.......stay positive.  8)  I do know that there are many couples going through the same experience and have been trying for quite some time.  I do know that my body responds immediately to pregnancy, since my miscarriages, I have determined that I have symptoms of pregnancy immediately.  Lower back pain is the strongest factor as the rest are the usual symptoms of high prolactin.  My doctor was surprised that many of my symptoms of high prolactin usually don't show up with patients with a level of 37-45.  He stated that they are usually significantly higher.  Perhaps I am just one of the lucky ones.  I have been experiencing frequent urination, sore breasts, headaches, tiredness (I mean exhaustion), and all of the those wonderful side effects.  Although, I have noticed that I am no longer producing a discharge out of my breasts - now that is one thing which first initiated me to see the doctor.  Very scary. 

Tips

By the way I have noticed that my periods seem to be between 26-28 days.  Constant fluctuation, how are anyone else's.  If anyone has any new tips for conceiving or infertility, i would love to hear them...???

guilty

Alright. Alright.  I am guilty of not starting the ovulation predictor...Gawd couldn't they make something that requires unorganization.  It might be a little easier.  I have left the box in the kitchen and unfortunately it has not made it's way into the bathroom for my morning testing.  Perhaps I just don't like the idea that once again we could be trying for something that's not going to happen.  Yes, the dreaded idea makes me cringe.  I want to be pregnant but I have this little voice saying "stay positive", while the other little voice says "it's just going to be another disappointing six months".  The problem that I have is that like many women out there my prolactin has decreased so it's officially time to see if I can conceive but there's the check list that follows a) stop all caffeine, alcohol (i like the occassional glass of wine), hubby preparation, all that wonderful sensual stuff.  Ya...I wish it was that easy.  then the doc tells you to be patient and relax.  yup I am all over that.  relaxed.....ummmm...only been trying for 1 year and counting so really what's another six months of dreaded ordeal.  (sarcasm) On the bright side, prolactin is down and the majestic opportunity to welcome me to motherhood.  the thought overwhelms me with joy.  perhaps I am alone on this one but how do you get your frame of mind back to the happy thoughts when for so long it's been nothing but worry and constant failure of conceiving.  Ugh.

Struggle

One of the huge questions I had for my doctor with my recent test results was "Can I get pregnant with a prolactin level of 38"- down from 47.  He indicated that every women is different and there are more factors than simply lowering your prolactin even though that plays a major part.  He also mentioned that you need to stop drinking, caffeine, etc. and start maintaining your body and nutrition.  I have started taking my vitamins again religiously and I have also started exercising again.  I am not a doctor so I cannot say what is adequate for every women.  My first piece of advice is start with an ovulation predictor so you know when your most fertile dates are.  Secondly, cabergoline can be increased slowly if you consult with doctor and your results have not changed research shows - pituitary network association that certain patients will need to increase their dosage ever slow slightly as your body may not respond to the lighter dosage.  Remember I am not a doctor so make sure to consult with your physician.  My physician and stipulated that when I want to get pregnant in the months prior increase my pill by a half to help in decreasing.   I have been trying to get my levels down for almost 2 years due to the simple fact that my previous doctor was not increasing my dosages properly and I was simply sitting on the fence.  Now that I have increased my dosage I have seen significant results in 2 mths.  Many patients have had some success in increasing the medication enough to rid their body of the tumour as I have done some research via the pituitary network association but remember each individual is different and your doctor should okay everything prior.  In addition, we each have different bodies so you basically need to work with what you feel comfortable with and your doctor as well.  I have been very happy with the results lately as I am well aware that my levels are starting to move.  Breathe of the fresh air but you need to stay on top of your medication and health.  I have also started changing my diet.  Less processed foods and more organic and healthier alternatives.  I think that we consume too much preservatives and it can't hurt.  So I am thinking that if my doctor would of increased my dosage several years ago and switched immediately to cabergoline (dostinex) I probably would have had results sooner but they usually like to take baby steps.  I have noticed that I still do get the stuffy nose late at night which my GP doctor recommended I take a reactine to help.  So my daily dosage of vitamins includes the USANA essentials or a multi-vitamin and vitamin B6 (check your dosage of vitamin b6 though I take 50mg a day) as sometimes too much is not healthy either. So the answer to my original question was that every women is different but you can get pregnant with a prolactin level of 38 as I have conceived with a prolactin level of 41 but it's much more difficult.  This is my experience and everyone is different so there is no true answer to the question. 

Pituitary Network Association

Summary of Important Points (Quoted from Pituitary Network Association Website)


Prolactin levels allow the important distinction between a true prolactin producing adenoma and a nonfunctional adenoma with stalk effect to be made with relative security in most patients.

Patients with prolactin secreting pituitary tumors (prolactinomas) should be treated as first line with Dopamine agonist therapy, while nonfunctional or other tumors should not.

Surgery may still be necessary in a prolactinoma and is almost always needed as first line treatment in patients with other functional pituitary tumor types.

Because the hormonal systems of the pituitary are complex, a wide variety of clinical syndromes can be caused by tumors. However, because the majority of pituitary tumors are either prolactinomas or nonfunctional tumors, the symptoms of those two types (menstrual disruption, infertility, galactorrhea, headache, and/or visual disturbance) should raise the issues of a pituitary tumor in patients who complain of one or more elements of that constellation.

The cognitive and psychosocial disruption exhibited by patients with pituitary tumors is real and should be viewed as manifestation of physical disease that can be amenable to appropriately directed therapies.

Although women with pituitary tumors may be diagnosed by their obstetrician/gynecologist, ultimate treatment of such tumors should be carried out under the joint care of an endocrinologist and neurosurgeon