guilty

Alright. Alright.  I am guilty of not starting the ovulation predictor...Gawd couldn't they make something that requires unorganization.  It might be a little easier.  I have left the box in the kitchen and unfortunately it has not made it's way into the bathroom for my morning testing.  Perhaps I just don't like the idea that once again we could be trying for something that's not going to happen.  Yes, the dreaded idea makes me cringe.  I want to be pregnant but I have this little voice saying "stay positive", while the other little voice says "it's just going to be another disappointing six months".  The problem that I have is that like many women out there my prolactin has decreased so it's officially time to see if I can conceive but there's the check list that follows a) stop all caffeine, alcohol (i like the occassional glass of wine), hubby preparation, all that wonderful sensual stuff.  Ya...I wish it was that easy.  then the doc tells you to be patient and relax.  yup I am all over that.  relaxed.....ummmm...only been trying for 1 year and counting so really what's another six months of dreaded ordeal.  (sarcasm) On the bright side, prolactin is down and the majestic opportunity to welcome me to motherhood.  the thought overwhelms me with joy.  perhaps I am alone on this one but how do you get your frame of mind back to the happy thoughts when for so long it's been nothing but worry and constant failure of conceiving.  Ugh.