The insanity plea

I am not sure how we get through months of trying to conceive.  I think about how much time is spent in trying to surf the internet to determine whether we have any signs of the early stages of pregnancy....hours, perhaps days, years.  The biggest problem with prolactinoma is your body already has the signs of pregnancy.  It is difficult to distinguish whether these are your usual hormones affected by your prolactinoma or the symptoms of actual pregnancy.  I do believe that I know all the websites that characterize the early signs of pregnancy by heart and I hope as I google more that one of them would have the answer.  It's quite depressing at the same time it's pure insanity.  The more I think about it the more pressure and stress seems to develop. AHHHHHH! yes, I know I do it to myself.  I personally believe it's an act of pure insanity.  I then decide that it's not in my best interests to be viewing these sites and let it be, but there's a little voice inside my head that draws me back.  Especially those little ovulation calculators, birth due date, etc. they should be illegal!  Alright so I am a little freakish.  I guess I am hoping for a miracle, a revolution within my body.  I always think back to years when this was not an issue and I would say to my close friends that I wasn't planning on having children until I was ready.  Ummm, I am ready.....so release the eggs and let's begin.  Perhaps I am just to eager.  Nope that's not it.  I am a driven person.  That being said I understand that if you put effort into something that you would like to achieve you will succeed.  There may be failures along the road, but those are to obstacles you overcome.  You see the light at the end of the tunnel and you can anticipate your end of the road at some point.  Unfortunately I am not in control of this at all.  Well, let's just say that I have a hard time when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Don't get me wrong- I am positive although it sounds as though I am curled up in the fetal position and refuse to remove myself from the path of the oncoming freight train, but I am.  It has been a year and a half.  I think by now the energizer bunny would of died long ago.  I believe "our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall"- Confucius.  I have a strong belief that there are options and those options may not be the greatest but there ARE options.  Ah yes, I also understand that these OTHER options could have a financial strain.  (Look if you have money to buy a 60" flat screen tv or haircuts for the next five years- I believe you can find a saving jar for the "OTHER OPTIONS OF PREGNANCY".  I will say that I would probably use the money for a nice relaxing trip on the beach or touring Europe.  I believe it will be if it was suppose to be.  I will keep trying all the options, but I really don't know how women deal with all this pain, stress and well....more stress.  We put a lot on to ourselves and why?  It's not your fault.  I guess I can answer that myself because we want that one sweet moment of motherhood to last a lifetime...............