the new frontier

Well I have started back on the "stay positive" band wagon.  Logically it's the only thing to do.  I am hoping that my next blood test results are better (fingers crossed).  They will increase my medication again if there is no change from the last time.  Not the greatest but the last alternative will be surgery.  As I have heard surgery does not always work so I am a little hesitant to discuss that topic at the moment.  I am looking forward to my appt on the 18th.  (for the recent results) For some reason my conscience believes the results will be better.  Ah- the ache if I am wrong.  I haven't been running as much lately.  I am becoming a little lazy.  I believe that my endurance is not what is was 4 mths ago.  I am exhausted after 3 miles.  Not good.  It might have something to do with my stress level and my inability to quit smoking.  Yes, I am a smoker.  Go figure.  My better half has scalded me because of it and I have no qualms about it, he's right.  I guess I feel that if my levels were low enough, I would stop for the sake of wanting to get pregnant and for the safety and health of myself as well.  Right now though, I am smoking on occasion.  Bad yes, but satisfying for the 10th of a second.  YEsSSSSS!    Now I am sitting in my office wondering and worrying about, well, I am not sure.  Lately, i feel as though there has been this incredible tension between my sweetheart and I.  He gets grumpy quite often about things that he can not change.  I believe that you take it one step at a time and hopefully it will work itself out.  I don't know.  He wants to help but there is nothing that he can do.  He just has to be patient and supportive.  Perhaps I am wrong but I am entitled to my opinion.  "I will wait for you, should I fall behind, wait for me".  Nothing like a little Bruce Springsteen to satisfy your soul.  I definitely need some chicky movies and a good blanket.  Scratch that.  I need a huge comfy bed, a ton of chicky flicks and one heck of a good bottle of wine.  (perhaps 2, but I am a lush).  Did I mention the view from the bed needs to be absolutely incredible.  Dark, windy, warm, ocean, quiet, and absolutely breathtaking.  Yup....daydreaming.....